Archive for the ‘The Usual Stuff’ Category

Tattoos are popular.  Lots of people get them and for the most part they’re done with a lot of skill and artistic talent.  Then there’s these fucking sadsacks:

No, really, its Wolverine...

Believe it or not, an adult drew this.  It supposed to be Wolverine… which is fine… but considering there’s about 5 trillion images in existence that the artist could have used as reference… I gotta say SUCK ASS.

Wow, I’m kind of impressed.  Despite this being the simplest tattoo in history, the artist still managed to convey how horribly they fucking suck. So little can really say a lot.

I dont' care if your son drew it...it sucks

I don’t care if your son scrawled this for mother’s day… or if one of the kids down at the battered wives shelter drew it for you as a gift… IT’S PERMANENT!  This belongs on a fucking FRIDGE, not your arm.

King Shit, Terd Island

You’re in need of two things my friend…a good ass wax and a new tattoo shop.  T-Rex is considered the King of the Dinosaurs… but this literal interpretation complete with crudely drawn crown is leaving me feeling a bit… hmmm… ok, ya got me,  its not the tattoo that offends me, its the hairy ass.

This sucks on about 5 levels.  I’ve decided to imagine that that the artist was actually a really cool badass who purposely botched this weak looking tattoo just to scar the fool who was willing to get it in the first place.

3 things this tattoo will never create

Truth is, even if it was awesome from a graphic standpoint, the nauseating, trite sentiment would make this suck.  Love, Loyalty Friendship…3 things this crock of shit tattoo will never create.  In fact, if you got this tattoo I would stop loving you and we would never be friends.  In fact, the first chance I’d get I’d betray you… because you suck at choosing tattoos and I can’t get behind a person like that.

God, and anyone with a grade 3 education

Only God will ‘juge’ you?  I don’t fucking think so Shecky.  Try anyone who graduated Grade 6.   This pic sorta looks photoshopped but I sure hope its real.  I hope this was the picture he took to the Tattoo guy and said “this is what I’ve designed” and the Tattoo guy just smiled and went “sure, I can do that”.

Worst cat face in history!

If your intention was to make it look like a 5 year old drew “a scary cat face”… in pencil crayon… in the dark… you’ve succeeded.  If that was not the intention you need to think about litigation.  I’m assuming it was supposed to look ferocious?!  I’ve seen scarier pictures of Fozzy The Bear:

Scary shit, yo!

AND FINALLY:

Ugly has a new definition!

You can’t be fucking serious.  If I was a tattoo artist, and mutilated someone with this abomination I would pack up my shit and go home.  This poor individual now has to carry around a PHOTO of their child just to convince people the tattoo isn’t Golem from Lord Of The Rings.  Personally, I think we’re being a little unfair to Golem… the pigtail would be beneath him.


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This one’s from my boy Nate.  I just got an email that simply said:

“Chinese Guy Cries at Double Rainbow… you’re welcome.”

So of course, I instantly had to witness this.

Holy fucking shit…its a chinese guy crying as he video tapes a double rainbow.  Outstanding.  I don’t know why… maybe because if I live to be 1000 years old this is one thing I will never… EVER… do.   But just take a moment and try to imagine the physical and mental changes I would have to undergo to turn me into THIS GUY:

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1938190

Hello Again

Posted: July 5, 2010 in The Usual Stuff

I’ve decided to restart my blog, this time on a wordpress because it rules.  I had given up on the blogging game after 12 days… but last week I got one email.  You know who you are.  I started a blog a few weeks ago and felt like it was a waste of my time.  I was convinced no one was reading it.  Then I got that kind note, and realized someone was listening.  Maybe you all are.  If so, thanks for coming, and I promise I’ll make it worth your while.

I can’t promise everything I’ll say here will strike your fancy.  I’m bound to offend you, or  hate on something you hold dear.  If I don’t, you must be really cool.

At the end of the day…this blog is supposed to be entertainment, darlings… its SUPPOSED to be PROVOCATIVE!

So lets do this thing… Again

TLC, I have a question.  When did you stop caring?  I don’t mean about humanity … I mean entertainment?  The one thing I can’t accept, is the reasoning that says if you get midgets to do the same shit full-sized people do EVERY DAY, it constitutes television?  You wanna entertain me, let me watch an episode where midget dad gets midget mom to help him wipe his bum  because he can’t reach it!  Or lets see the midgets bang.  Now I’m LEARNING, Learning channel.

The new show “Midget Chocolatiers” reaches depths of insignificance I didn’t think was allowable on broadcast television.  Actually I’m kind of impressed that TLC actually deduced an occupation that could make midget lives even more boring.  If I have to watch one of these little fuckers get up on a step stool to mix some ingredients into their giant bowl I will kill myself.

I’m under the impression TLC is trying to teach me acceptance.  They want me to understand the plight of fat women who don’t know they’re pregnant…or white trash moms abusing their children in beauty pageants…  Or stupid weird old fucks who hoard shit until their houses are collapsing under the weight of their own garbage.   Well… I’m not really ready to accept assholes like this.  I would rather tell them to pull up their fuckin’ socks!

Can midgets pull up their own socks?  TLC can tell me. That’s what learning is all about.