Posted: July 27, 2010 in Uncategorized

I’m starting a new feature on Jenkovision called ‘WTF?”. This is going to be the day to day bullshit we all do that, upon closer inspection, appear to be fucked in the head. I’m beginning with the age old tradition of waving on boats.

I don’t trust people as far as I can throw them. In fact, I have a borderline compulsion to avoid interaction with strangers. I won’t even order a fucking pizza on the phone because I don’t like the stress of communicating with someone I don’t know. This is quite sad, but very true.

My general distain for strangers lead to my first inescapable WTF moment this weekend. There I was boating across a beautiful lake with good friends, wife and babe. Suddenly we were confronted with our first boat of chubby kids and poorly dressed parents who were dislocating their arms waving to beat Jesus.

My initial reaction was “Hey, who are these fucks?” Perhaps a bit harsh, but not out of the ordinary for me when engaged by the general public.

That’s when it struck me. Why do I have to wave at every asshole that paddles by? If I was walking down the street, or passing in a car, or zipping by in a helicopter…hell even if I was drifting by in a fucking ZEPPELIN I would not feel compelled to wave to all who pass, yet the second you get in a boat you’re saluting each other like a brotherhood of fucking PIRATES.

Proximity is irrelevant too which also strikes me as a bit odd. In any other social situation I have to be fairly close to warrant a wave… but once I’m on the water, If I can SEE the fucking boat through a set of binoculars, somebody on that boat is waving at me.

I’m sure if science invents an even more powerful telescope than Hubble that can see all the way to surface of inhabited plants on the other side of the fucking galaxy there’s going to be ETs sitting together is some odd floatation device… waving like mad fools.

Oh and God FORBID if I don’t wave back. I might as well paddle over and punch these folks in the face. They would be LESS offended by a canon blast across the bow then me turning a nose up at away from a good ol’ fashioned waving.

Some might read this and be like “Dude… its really no biggie. Just wave at the nice people and let it go.” You’re probably right. Unfortunately, I’m me…and the more I think about being BULLIED into a wave by total strangers… the more I want to set their boat on fire.

I think we need to WTF this out of existence. Lets send this the way of the curtsy, or the tip of the tophat. Waving at strangers is dead. Pass it on!

  1. Lil' M says:

    hmmm, I see this a little differently, I’d rather people in boats wave at me, that way, I know that they saw me and aren’t going to smash into me and are respecting my space – ’cause lets face it, there are a LOT of assholes on the water these days. I have this deep seeded fear that I will die a horrible death that involves drowning somehow. I don’t know how it’s going to happen, but drown I will. What I would rather WTF out of existence, is the JEEP wave. or the motorcycle wave. but more specifically the JEEP wave. I hate those fuckers.

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